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niswaen

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niswaen

In which I worked at a bar and sucked at it

6 min read
So I work retail. Sort of fancy retail. During the day. I have a nice, electronic till (till = cash register; sorry, I forgot that "till" isn't something that Americans say so it was a bit confusing =p ) that tells me how much change to give to people, which is great because while I'm good at math by my fucking self, as soon as I have an audience waiting for me to give change, I blank out and forget how to subtract (this is foreshadowing). So I have math anxiety, but it doesn't come up at work often unless people do that fucking thing where they hand me money, and I put it through the till, and then they're like "Oh wait haha I have an extra euro, here you go!" and I'm like no sorry THE TILL HAS SPOKEN.

Anyway.

My husband called me in a panic tonight asking if I could come into his work (local music bar down the street) and do the door. I'm like uh no, I'm not going to stand at the door all night monitoring drunk people and kicking them out. Much as I'd like to, I can't even do one push-up, let alone throw a drunk man out a window. He laughs and says "No, not the door-door - we need someone to stand by the door to the private bar to take tickets for a gig."

I used to work at a bar, and I've done ticket sales for them before, so, sure. I got nothing else going on tonight (JUST KIDDING I have paintings and a commission and messages to reply to, but, UH - ), and I'd like to make €25, so okay.

My husband is working at the bar directly behind me (his work has like four different bar-rooms; this one is for small, private musical gigs) and goes over my job. I'm to sell tickets (duh), stamp people's wrists, and keep a tally of everyone who comes in. Also free Pepsi, yaay. And the band is a blues band, and everybody is super happy to see me because they had no one else who could come in due to someone fucking up the work rota.

It's all good. The tickets are €7, which means I have to dust off my trusty 7 times tables in my head, because my till is just a box, and to ask for a calculator would be a sign of weakness. But I have a pint of Pepsi so I'm good to go.

It's a small gig thank god, and people come in slowly and with enough time for me to follow procedure. Get money, give change, stamp wrist, mark who came in. People leave to go to the toilet, and the music's playing so it's hard to call them out when they come back to show me their wrist-stamp (because I am GOD AWFUL with remembering faces), so I have to try and memorise who came in and out by their clothes. I can't remember faces, but I can remember clothes.

Okay, three people just left - two to the smoking area, one to downstairs. Sparkly skirt. Green glasses. Bald guy. SPARKLY SKIRT. GREEN GLASSES. BALD GUY. I can do this.

A guy comes in and hands me €50. Okay, €7, so €43 change. All good. He then ushers in two other people - wait, sir, will you be buying their tickets as well? He looks at his change and is like "Uh yeah sorry." He hands me €40.

€40? The other two tickets is only whatever €7 multiplied by 2 is. Uh. €14. €40 minus €14. Okay so I can give him one of the €20s back. He's standing patiently. Smiling, even. 

I stare at the till. Then at the €20 in my hand. What's 20 minus 14? Wasn't there a 7 involved? Wait, it was €7 per ticket. And 7x2 is 14. I have €14. Wait no I have €20. I need €14. Wait no I need to subtract €14. 

The guy's still standing there, smiling. Waiting. Patiently. Or is he looking annoyed? Is this the Twilight Zone? Am I A DUMB-ASS? Don't answer that.

Long story short what the FUCK I could not do it. I could not subtract €14 from €20. I am here today to announce this to you all. Did any of you ever think I was good at painting? Did you think that I was good at anything? Well stop that, because I'm bad at math, and that cancels all that out. That's how math works, right? You can cancel stuff out? Bad math = big stupid. Especially when it's SUBTRACTING 14 FROM 20 WHAT THE FUCK.

I call my husband over, because why not make myself look even more stupid? And lo and behold, before I can even explain to him what had happened, just having him next to me jump-started the two neurons in my brain that had been fighting each other and there we are, 20-14=6. 

I hand the poor man his €6 in change and sit back down. I spend the rest of the evening wondering what might be the most subtle way to commit ritualistic seppuku. I don't remember whether the music was good because by that point I had had two pints of Pepsi (to drown my sorrows) and I had to pee really bad.

Help, I'm dumb. 

The end.

~~~~~
UNRELATED: I only ask this here because if you've read this far, that might mean you enjoy reading? Or at least you enjoy reading about me being stupid. Anyway, I have a couple short stories laying around, and a couple more planned - would anyone be interested in reading them if I uploaded them here? They're all to do with my characters, but they can be read alone in that they're not connected to the main story. Anyway let me know or else they'll just rot into nothingness =p
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To all watchers: Post your art for a feature!

3 min read
Ooh is this journal title too long for my shitty CSS? :ohnoes:

But you heard me, watchers! Since I suck and am apparently not doing a feature this weekend (blah blah, busy, blaming things that don't matter, blah blah), I'll be spending this week preparing for... NEXT week's feature! Which will be your art!

So if you're getting this in your inbox, send me a link or a thumbnail in the comments of your favourite deviation of yours - and, optionally, of something you've favourited recently. You know, spread even more art love :eager:

But the primary concern is your art! So post me whatever you most love, whatever you're most proud of. You also can write a little something about why you've chosen that work as well, if you like!

Next Saturday I'll pick a couple of my favourites and post them in the next feature journal for everyone to look at! My feature journals show around 9-12 artworks, so I'll be doing more than one watcher feature if I get enough hype and enough wonderful deviations to look at or read. :hug:

So get posting! :heart:

~~~

Life update:

Hurricane tomorrow, oooh :ohnoes:


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Feature 6 - Craft Tutorials

7 min read
Sorry I've been pretty inactive this week - it's been a pretty shit week :lol:

But enough about me, how about TUTORIALS? :dummy: See, although I use this account just to post my paintings, I've also had a crafty side to me since I was a kid. I love working with clay, making jewelry, crocheting, sewing, resin stuff, miscellany... etc etc etc

So aside from all the lovely painting and drawing tutorials I've accumulated in my favourites, I'm also always on the lookout for awesome craft tutorials. So this week's journal features will showcase some useful or otherwise cool craft ideas and tutorials!

Tutorial knitted polymer clay by OriginalBunny  Fruit Slice Tutorial by QueEnOfNights  Armature to Art Doll Part 1 by Magweno
The first three tutorials here are for clay projects - the first is how to achieve a "knitted" pattern with polymer clay, and the second one is how to make adorable little fruit slices out of colored clay! And the last one, by Magweno, is for how to make an armature out of wire and clay - but do check out the rest of Magweno's gallery, as she has a lot of amazing craft tutorials!

Squid Pencil Pouch Sewing Pattern by SewDesuNe  Tutorial - Japanese Owls by songofamazon  Tutorial: Circle Skirts by taeliac
The first one is for how to sew a SQUID POUCH, holy shit I love it but I have not made it yet - it's on my list of things to do when I have more money and am not facing possible homelessness before Christmas (oh did I mention, that's why this week sucks). The middle one is another sewing tutorial for how to make super-simple owls! And the last one on the right is how to sew a circle skirt, which is especially relevant if you're me and that's all you wear :dummy:

The Jeweller's Guide to Baisic Wire Wrapping by SRTolton  Painted Paper Bead Tutorial by Crimefish  Cosplay tips - faking an Opal by rubyd
Now, onto more jewelry-themed tutorials: the first one here is how to wire-wrap gems! And the next one is how to make beads out of paper, which is super easy and satisfying. And if you need a gem for your project, the last tutorial here is how to make a fake black opal.

Honestly I've found so many fantastic craft tutorials and ideas since I've been on dA, it makes me wish I had room for a sewing machine and a table for resin projects and also money and a house because I don't have any of those things. So until I achieve those dreams, all I can do is collect tutorials on here and show them to you guys!

What crafts do you guys get into? Tell me to distract me from my real life problems :la:


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Feature 5 - All-time favourites

5 min read
IT'S STILL SATURDAY, I'M NOT LATE :la:

This week's feature is for some of my all-time favourites on dA :heart: Some of these are paintings that I found years ago and still love to bits every time I see them. Between the general skill behind these paintings, to the composition, colour use, interest, or plain awesomeness, I'm just in love with these works!

What are some of your favourite works on dA? :hug:

Skin Deep by arcipello :thumb215412629: nocturne by loish
Mami Tomoe by simosi :thumb284288239: Ganondorf by d-torres
Young princess Zelda by ReevolveR The Four Beauties by luciole Ohaguro Bettari by rennerei
<da:thumb id="695914701"/> Bezaliel, Angel of Shadow by PeteMohrbacher  Thunder Rain by Selenada


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Feature 4 - Walkthroughs

7 min read
Oops I forgot what day it was yesterday :lmao: So much for keeping up with this. But at least I'm only a day late! I wish I could say I was busy yesterday, but no, I just sat around. On the other hand, I've been on holiday from work (and by "holiday" I mean "sitting at home"), so between that and the cold that's taken AGES for me to get over, I pretty much have no idea what day it is :la:

Onto features!

Today, I decided to feature some interesting walkthroughs - similar to tutorials, a good walkthrough will show you the artist's whole process with a painting. Although walkthroughs usually don't focus on one primary aspect of a painting, reading/looking through a walkthrough can still be very helpful. I chose these because I personally found something very interesting or useful in each of them, so whether you look at one or them or all of them, I hope you find something helpful! :hug:

Tutorial: Lineart Coloring by minties Kathy100's Huge CG Tutorial by kathy100 Attempt at a CG Tutorial by pinali
The first one on the left showcases a nice use of reflected light; the middle one shows a good general anime style with soft cell shading; the third one gives a great example of a darker environment with lower lighting.

Endless Journey - wip by uildrim  Digital Painting Tutorial by Dianae The Making of 'The Harpist' by JaneMere
Here, the first one is another good one for lighting, showing warm lighting with a cool background. The middle one is an animated tutorial for one of my favourite paintings on dA, and the last one has some nice tips on composition and referencing. 

Tutorial 4 I might smile tomorrow by AquaSixio Radiant Lotus WIPs Animation by MayFong THE WORLD IS ALL ONE'S WORK by DanEvan-ArtWork
The first one is a classic AquaSixio walkthrough, and goes over a little bit of everything! The middle one is a gif made of WIPs of another gorgeous painting, and was really helpful to me in illustrating how to shade patterned fabric. The last one is the walkthrough for an absolutely beautiful Madoka fanart, giving insight on how to employ a little matte painting into your work.

I hope you guys found this interesting or useful! I really like reading a good walkthrough, especially for a painting that I love and can learn from! Makes me think I shouldn't be so lazy and should actually make more walkthroughs of my own paintings OTL

Anyway, now that this journal's been written a day late, I think I'll have an evening nap :dummy:


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Featured

To all watchers: Post your art for a feature! by niswaen, journal

Feature 6 - Craft Tutorials by niswaen, journal

Feature 5 - All-time favourites by niswaen, journal

Feature 4 - Walkthroughs by niswaen, journal

Feature 3 - All the 2hus! by niswaen, journal